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black_0ut

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full circle [Mar. 5th, 2006|12:20 am]
black_0ut
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

what are the chances? last journal entry was about miriam hooking up with danny, and out of random curiosty, i come one here, right after everything thats happened. FULL CIRCLE. im telliing every oppostie and random event comes aruond to make some sort of sphere where its impossible to differenciate one thing from another. perfection is imperfection. to hate is to love. living and dying in one solid motion. disgust and lust (and not for the rhyme [though it does sound poetic]). people you never expect to see again or people you never cared for at all taking a place in your life, never anticipated. ITS ALL FULL CIRCLE. i love it; its fantastic. the yin and the yang! who would have known? its not profound, i know, but its admirable. and to that i give a toast :] but really EVERYTHING comes full circle and thats when it starts to amaze me. it can easily be applied to any aspect of life. from deepest sorrow comes the most passionate of creation. "failure's art" if you will. and who knows? maybe creationism isnt such a bad idea, in other words maybe we are failure's art. im sure its not unusual, but im not ordinarialy one to create in celebration, the only time i do (and by saying i do i mean doing so without the end result feeling very similar to that of vanity) is out of love and usually even then its over a passion thats gone sour. but lately it seems everyone's been creating out of vanity vs. emotions anyways. i still cant understand why emotions have to turn people off. i mean what really is turning them off anyways? if i were arguing with myself (which it seems i am)id say no one wants drama, but i get the feeling thats just not the case. the way i see it, no one wants to see you naked. that kind of pure, and raw emotionl honesty is like watching a dog hump a fire hydrant..
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update? [May. 13th, 2005|11:10 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |boredbored]
[music |honorary title]

so...
alright i guess i havent been on in uhm....a long time? i think 9 months.
anyways. tonight kind of sucked cos my mom made me come home when she found out i lied to her about where i actually was this evening.
uhhh....so miriam and danny hooked up at lunch. which was a little more exciting than regular lunch. cory hit me and gave me some welts. thanks. uhm nick came by and gave me my cell phone. basically my whole night has been boring and ive resorted to live journal.
i dont really know what i used to type on here. seems to be mostly bitching about my emo life. its kind of fun to read though...and laugh at. hah. oh i know! i finished my book. it was dazling. its called Hollywood. i reccomend it. so now im eating the remainder of my birthday cake. as fat kids to often do. and i think im going to leave now.
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(no subject) [Sep. 2nd, 2004|06:56 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |Billy Talent]

today i went to school.

miriam brought snackpacks for us at lunch. i love her.

tori left me a messege on ym cellphone and it made me really happy.

after school i hung out with steevi until her step-mom came.

now im at my dad's house.

living.

yeah.
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(no subject) [Aug. 27th, 2004|06:04 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |dorkydorky]
[music |The music that always plays in my headddd]

So i started school, and really what can i say about that? I can say i hate it.

Anyways, I got to see all the people i avoided all summer and usually pretend to be nice to but decided i wouldnt be nice to people i dont feel like being nice to. Whats the point? I mean it wouldnt matter to me if they hated me since i obviously dont like them...

So my first period is choir. Yes choir. I know im a loser. Mister Woods still reminds me of a mean turtle, but he says he lost 7 pounds...yeah.

Second period I have to retake Spanish 1 and we're leraning the fucking alphatbet. And it kills me how the freshmen who havent taken it yet wonder how to pronounce "a". I really wish I hadnt even finished Spanish last year or bothered to try and raise my grade since I have to retake the entire course.

Third period I have English with Steevi. Today was the hardest Ive laughed in a long time. We kept telling this kid named River that we were sure he played the tuba and it really pissed him off. Then we told other people he played the tuba whihc really sent him off. Haha.

Later Miriam and I decided the best way to kill someone would be by stabbing them over and over in the neck with a safety pin. Beware.

Fourth period is math. This teacher really needs to find the stick she lost in her ass.

Fifth is Biology. Anothony made everyone stare at me today. I hate when people stare at me.

Sixth I ahve history. My teacher is pretty cool actually but he gave me a hard time about my favorite movie being Fight Club. I made a friend over that though which was cool since I didnt know anyone in the class really.

And here I am on a Friday with nothing to do really and you can make fun of me cause it doesnt really matter. I know im a loser.

Byeee.
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Im emo....get over it. [Aug. 25th, 2004|03:45 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[music |The Shins, Fighting In A Sack]

Im just bummed out cause guys always screw me over. It sucks. I always start to trust them cause their so beliveable but now I think all guys are mean heartless liars and I hate them. If you think your not and your a guy your probably wrong. I bet your an asshole.
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Second To Last Day Of Summer. [Aug. 23rd, 2004|06:20 pm]
black_0ut
[music |Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit.]

Today I went to the beach with Hilary and Meghan but Meghan got really sick and puked in the grass. She ended up having to go home. So me and Hilary went and got good Nachos from some resturant in Laguna Beach, I forgot the name, and ate them at Main Beach. It was pretty fun. Then we waited 20 minutes (like the good kids we are) before we went back into the raging waves. We stayed in the water for a pretty long time and it was wet and wild. Anyways now Im home and bored and hoping Kalin can come over tonight cause shes one hot sonuvabitch and I miss her.
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i really dont care. [Aug. 22nd, 2004|02:47 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |Interpol]

i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care and i really dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care fuck you i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care and dont feel alive i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont care fine....and i took the time to write each one. fuck copy and paste.
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Meghan's Homeee. [Aug. 19th, 2004|08:57 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |Harvey Danger]

Today Meghan woke me up at 10 00 but i didnt care cause she was calling me to say she could pick me up in a half hour. Which was beyond awesome since i hadnt seen her in a month. SPOKANE BLOWS A BIG ONE. We went and saw Napoleon Dynomite. It was frikin aweseome. Hahaha. Anyways that was pretty cool cause i really missed Meghan a lottt. I ahd to come home cause i forgot to do my chores and my mom was pretty pissed off but i got to eat dinner at their house and MEGHAN ATE 10 TACOS. It was incredible. Anyways so here I am pretty bored as usual, but at least I got to see Meghan.
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(no subject) [Aug. 17th, 2004|08:00 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |Elliott Smith, Between the Bars]

LAST PERSON WHO...

x. Slept in your bed: me :)
x. Saw you cry: hmm i dont remember, maybe meghan, i have no idea i dont like crying in front of people.
x. Made you cry: i dont know maybe my mom.
x. You shared a drink with: Casey
x. You went to the movies with: Casey, Alex, and Garrett
x. You went to the mall with: Casey.
x. Yelled at you: my mom haha.
x. Sent you an e-mail: someone from myspace.


HAVE YOU EVER...

x. Said "I love you" and meant it?: Only to family members and some friends.
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: My dog can really piss me off sometimes even though i love him.
x. Been to California: I live there. so im there right now...
x. Been to Hawaii: yeah
x. Been to Mexico: yupp
x. Been to China: no haha.
x. Been to Canada: no way.
x. Danced naked: fuck yes.
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: maybe.
x. Wish you were the opposite sex: sometimes. being a girl can be rough.
x. Had an imaginary friend: when I was 5.

RANDOM TID BITS...

x. Do you have a crush on someone: Yeah.
x. What book are you reading now: White Oleander
x. Worst feeling in the world: rejection.
x. Future son's name: Ryan
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: yeah...I made him at build-a-bear.
x. What's under your bed: I have no idea. I porbably shouldnt check.
x. Favorite sports to watch: basketball.
x. Siblings: Older brother named Matt.
x. Location: Orange Coutny.
x. College plans: Dont know yet.
x. Piercings/tattoos: ears.
x. Boyfriend/girlfriend: Kind of.

EXTRA STUFF...

x. Do you do drugs: No.
x. Do you drink: I have, but I dont really.
x. Who is your best friend: Meghan.
x. What are you most scared of: SPIDERS their fucking beasts I tell you.
x. What clothes do you sleep in: cumfy stuff.
x. Where do you want to get married: I dont know Im only 15.
x. Who do you really hate: most people.
x. Do you drive: Im atking driver's ed right now...
x. Do you have a job: working on it.
x. Do you like being around people: depends who and how Im feeling.
x. Are you for world peace: Yes. Im not a fucking nazi geez.

STUFF...

x. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: ah yess.
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: yeah.
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: haha yeah.
x. Want someone you don't have right now: no.
x. Are you lonely right now: not really.
x. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: Elliott Smith, Between the Bars.
x. Do you want to get married: yes.
x. Do you want kids: mhmm.

FAVORITE...

x. Room in house: my room.
x. Type(s) of music: rock, alternative, indie, sometimes emo, some hardcore...etc.
x. Band(s): I cant even start I know I wont stop.
x. Color: GREEN.
x. Perfume or cologne: I LOVE WHEN BOYS SMELL GOOD. end of story.
x. Month: December
x. Stone: uhmm.

IN THE LAST 72 HOURS, HAVE YOU...

x. Cried: no
x. Bought something: a frapachino.
x. Gotten sick: yeah I had a headache.
x. Sang: in the shower. haha.
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: hmm i dunno. i would have told them if i really wanted to.
x. Met someone new: no.
x. Missed someone: yes.
x. Hugged someone: yes.
x. Kissed someone: yes. :)
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(no subject) [Aug. 16th, 2004|05:44 pm]
black_0ut
[mood |dorkydorky]
[music |The Pixies]

Today was a pretty good day. I went to registration and saw Hiriam and Hilary and Steevi. I didnt even see Steevi the whole summer so that was pretty cool. Not taht Im really too excited about returning to school but It was alright. Then I had to go to driver's ed. and I hung out with this girl Monica I met tehre and shes pretty nice. At lunch Casey picked me up and we went to the mall for lunch. :) My brother came home today which is cool since I havent seen him in a while. Anyways Meghan comes home on Wednesday and Im really excited cause I missed that sonuvabitch like crazy. Alright well Im going to go now. Bye.
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